We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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