Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am available for nakedness
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
