so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
