opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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