it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My bed smells like the plague
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