you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
