I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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