And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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