Someone shit on the floor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize