I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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