i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
