It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
