I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
