her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
