Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
