I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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