i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
