She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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