please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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