dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
