Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
