He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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