She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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