??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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