i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
