i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
