What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
