I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
