As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Randomize