My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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