I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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