win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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