We're facebook friends in real life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize