I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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