omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
