Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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