Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
