If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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