I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
