idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
