Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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