It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
