too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
