do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
