I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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