don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
