so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
