You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
