Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
try to milk me bitch
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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