Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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