the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
