It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
