1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
