Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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