oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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