how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
