I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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