I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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