So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
