remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Randomize
