i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
