Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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