this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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