Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the night ended with taco bell and tears
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
