I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize