Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You need Xanax blowdarts
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
