Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
