2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
