I want to have your abortion
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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