If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
