The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
