So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
