she looked like the before picture.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
