where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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