Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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