god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
