Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
