I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
