I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
