very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
