How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
