No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
time to smoke my breakfast
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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