I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is Oprah even human
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
