Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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