yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I've blown a few things in my day
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
