hell yes lets make some ravioli
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
