so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
