I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
