On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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