i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
