I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
