I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
