Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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