What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i need some magic done to my vagina
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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