would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
