He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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