oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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