The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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