Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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