It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
