HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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